Filling in the blanks
by Shuri 'in a world of black and white
Summary: Their relationship was never based on love, but on the need to belong and to feel human again. And they were the only ones who truly understood.


This is meant to be a spin-off of an Yzak/Shiho fic I wrote years ago called _Remembrance. _That story was really my baby project, and I was interested in capturing the different couples in that version of the SEED/Destiny universe after the canon timeline. I did a short series called _Loose Ends _about Dearka and Miriallia, and I'm just now getting to Kira and Lacus. This one's set at least 10 years after the end of the Second War.

So I guess what I'm saying is, if you think this story's cool, you should go read my other ones as well (what, it's not a shameless plug or anything).

Disclaimer: I do not own.

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><p>Their relationship was never about love.<p>

It was never about that gravitational pull that Cagalli and Athrun seem to unable to escape. Or the undying devotion between Miriallia and Dearka. Or the kind of pain that flickered in Yzak's eyes, so strong and intense that they always felt the presence of his lost lover in the room even though they had never met her in person.

Their relationship was about longing, but not for each other.

The door to their bedroom opened with a soft creak. Kira put down the book he was reading and sat up on the bed, smiling.

"Hi Lacus."

The chairwoman of PLANTS returned the smile, but her heavy footsteps as she walked toward the closet betrayed her. He glanced at the clock – 2:32 a.m. And it was the first time they had seen each other that day.

"Another long day at the council?"

Lacus turned back to him, and chuckled. He also laughed a little. Every day was a long day, when you ruled a country. She took off her heavy work clothes in one fluid motion, and threw on a white nightgown.

"How was your day, Kira?"

"Quiet. There's some pasta in the fridge if you're hungry."

Lacus shook her head before climbing into bed. Kira stroked her cheek, and she smiled. There were faint wrinkles forming in the corner of her eyes, and he knew that if he pulled her into his arms, she would also be considerably smaller than she was when they first met. She had the kind of power that could literally change history, but it came at a steep price. That was why he chose to keep a low profile after the war.

Their hands intertwined under the covers.

"Tell me a story."

"Aren't you a little old for bedtime stories?"

"You can never grow too old for stories."

Kira thought for a while, then started recounting an episode concerning a mundane calculation error at the lab. It was, by no means, an interesting story. But he knew that Lacus didn't really want to listen to anything. She just wanted to hear someone's voice, and his was one she found soothing. So he indulged her.

The warmth of her hand travelled to his – and that was really all he wanted as well.

xoxox

He had found her attractive from the very first moment he met her, when the Archangel inadvertently took her captive in the middle of the First War. But at that time, she was Athrun's fiancée and he was still infatuated with Flay Allster – a name that still invoked a barrage of mixed emotions in him.

Things progressed little by little throughout the war. But it wasn't until afterwards that their relationship solidified into its current form.

It had been a few months since Jachin Due, and they had both moved to Orb to help at an orphanage run by Reverend Malchio. They were still friends then. Friends with strange chemistry, but friends nonetheless.

It wasn't about love.

They would take long walks on the beach after the kids went to bed, to get some fresh air. They most walked in silence. But not that night.

"Kira."

"Yes?"

He looked at her, mildly surprised. She was a generally a reserved person, as was he, and she usually was not the one who initiated whatever limited conversation they had on these walks.

"Do you ever feel like there's something missing from your life? Like a giant hole that you just can't fill?"

They stopped walking. He knew the feeling all too well. It would sneak up to him when he least expected them – while he was helping his mother cook, while playing with the children, while he was in the shower.

"Like we lost something during the war that we just can't get back?"

Lacus nodded. They resumed walking.

"The war is over, and everything is starting to go back to the way it was. But there's a part of me that just… It's like the world is moving forward, while I'm still stuck, all alone."

He knew that Lacus Clyne, PLANTS' sweetheart, former pop star and political icon, was never actually alone – at least, not physically. She had led a relatively public life from an early age, and the entire PLANTS had always showered her with attention. And, toward the end of the war, had expected her to show the way. Everybody thought she had access to some magical source of infinite wisdom, despite the fact that she was still only sixteen and had just lost her only family member.

It was exhausting to have all that hope riding on your shoulders, to be set apart from the rest of the public.

He, the perfect coordinator, the legendary MS pilot, recognized that burden. Neither of them had asked to be placed on a pedestal.

And now that the war was done, it was like the entire reason for their existence had suddenly been stripped from them.

What use were they to a world that no longer needed a messiah?

"It's like we both are stuck in limbo with no way out."

Lacus laughed softly.

"It's nice to know somebody else understands."

"I agree."

Ultimately, it was because they were the only people who could see the other without the rosy, idealistic filter the rest of the world saw them through. Lacus needed someone who understood, just as much as he did.

It didn't have to be her, and it didn't have to be him. Just as long as they could feel the warmth of somebody else next to them, to convince themselves that they were still human after all that had happened. Neither of them wanted to sleep alone anymore.

Lacus came back to his room that night, and they made love for the first and last time.

xoxox

"…but then we realized that there was a glitch in the initial programming, so from that point it was an easy fix."

Kira reached the end of his story, and Lacus gave a satisfied nod. She seemed ready to doze off, so he reached over to the night stand and turned the lamp off. Darkness engulfed them both, and he tightened his grip on her hand.

Their relationship was never an intensely physical one. Not that anyone really believed that – Dearka, for one, was somehow convinced that they would soon end up with an army of super-coordinator babies. But it was rare for them to even kiss. Carnal desire had no place in a relationship based almost completely on the need for calm and stability.

What happened on that first night was more of a ritual to solidify their strange bond.

They needed each other more than anything else in the world, but not in that way.

"Lacus?"

"Yes, Kira?"

Her voice was soft and sweet, just like everything else about her. He turned to face his only true companion.

"Are you happy right now?"

Her grey eyes seemed surprised, but only for a moment. She smiled, and the corners of her eyes crinkled again.

"Very."

They laid silently for a few moments, staring into each other's eyes.

"Kira?"

"Yes, Lacus."

"Are you?"

He paused to think. If somebody had told his sixteen year-old self that someday he would be married to the chairwoman of PLANTS, who also happened to be his best friend's ex-fiancée, in a strange relationship forged almost entirely by a need to belong somewhere, he definitely would not have believed it.

But this really was the only option they had.

And at that moment, he felt strangely at peace with that fact.

"I am, very happy."

"Good."

They chuckled together, and Lacus edged slightly closer to him than usual. He kissed her forehead.

"Come on, you have another long day ahead of you tomorrow."

"You do too."

"Good night, Lacus."

"Sweet dreams, Kira."

Then they both closed their eyes, knowing that while none of it was ever about love, there was something special and irreplaceable about the peach they brought into each other's lives.


End file.
